running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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