I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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