She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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