I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
