maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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