Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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