Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
