She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
