4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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