last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
