it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He is an equal opportunity slut.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
