Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We need to get me chipped asap
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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