It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
