is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
