look no pants
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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