I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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