i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
