His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
