I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize