we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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