I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
