Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
home. puking in laundry basket.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize