Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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