u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
