He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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