at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
