Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
