Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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