Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
