ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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