Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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