This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize