Sponge bath it is.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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