well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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