Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
