Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
