There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
