Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
