It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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