I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
