I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
