pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
