I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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