All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
