Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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