To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
