We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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