then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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