Will you blow on my dice?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
