allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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