Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
