I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
