Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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