so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
