how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
