worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
