This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
