I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
