oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
