the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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