You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize