u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
