C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
