You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
