What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
