i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
