Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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