I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
