i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
