Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
