It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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