This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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