$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
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