reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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