Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
