there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
