Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
