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you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
