I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
