I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
