Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
