My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
