don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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