So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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