He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
