His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
