So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
