Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
A bitchslap is in order.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
