my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
