why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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