I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
