you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
