it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
